[waiting mode...]

So, I'm trying to get out of this headspace where I feel like I'm in constant waiting mode. Only having one class this semester (and that class being online) means that there isn't much structure to my time from a school-perspective. Of course, it doesn't help that Baby is going through standard 9-month-old things like teething, sleep regression, and the like. AJ, my husband, is on his normal work schedule, so there's that, but I'm still just feeling… in limbo. 

I mean, it's partially unavoidable because there's… *counts in head* …about twelve weeks EIGHT weeks still until decision letters go out about Phase II of the nursing program. I had to go open my countdown app and double check. Apparently, despite being in ultra-waiting-mode, time is still managing to slip by me faster than water through my fingers! 

I have this six-week calendar that I diligently clean and re-mark every six weeks. It stays affixed to the side of the refrigerator in the tiny breakfast nook, next to the window overlooking the parking lot of the specialty grocery behind our house. I often sit there and sip coffee, alternately people-watching and staring at the calendar, thinking about times past and times to come. 

The day I submitted my application for the nursing program was on a day I decided to "do the calendar" for the next six weeks. I remember looking at the calendar and lamenting to AJ— "I just counted… it will be 15 weeks until I get a certain answer on starting nursing classes in January. Can you believe that! I can't wait that long! That's more than TWO of these entire calendars away from today! How can I wait that long?" My husband had shaken his head and said, "That time will be here and gone before you realize it. You should be happy there's enough time now to prepare." 

Well, he was right, of course. Here we are and now over half that time has gone by, and I haven't really noticed it. I've requested some vaccination records, been making plans about when to start working as a tech during Phase II (probably the summer), researching my preferred specialties (surgical nursing is #1— barring a lucky landing in the OR after graduation, I'd love to spend some time in the ER!), and planning out the next ~5 years I've got before applying to medical school. 

So, I guess I've actually been doing quite a bit. But since most of it is a bunch of planning and thinking ahead, it's making me feel stuck in waiting mode. I prefer having a docket full of imminent deadlines, a slight feeling of urgency at all times. Then, I feel like I'm always moving forward. However, that being said… I think I should work harder on feeling perfectly at peace when things are slower-paced. These moments will soon become few and far between, and I know I'm very fortunate to even have them now. 

The future is already on its way, it's coming, full steam ahead. All I need to do is clear the tracks, and make sure we're ready to jump on and hold tight.